


Scale and bone

by Skittley_skit



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, SansDyne, undertale - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:41:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8294525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skittley_skit/pseuds/Skittley_skit
Summary: A steamed fish, a punny bone and a little bit of alcohol. What could happen?





	

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic in years of a not so popular ship. Writing it for a friend, but posting it here too. Don't judge me too harshly, yeah?

"SANS PICK UP YOUR SOCKS! UNDYNE WILL BE HERE SOON FOR OUR LESSON AND I DO NOT WANT HER TO TRIP ON THEM!" Papyrus was in the kitchen, preparing for Undynes weekly lesson.

Most days Papyrus would go to Undynes new home on the surface, but this week she insisted on going to the skeletons home. Insisted meaning she threatened Sans head on a pike if they refused. She seemed to be in a foul mood, and wouldn't explain why.

"Yeah, yeah, bro. I'll do it in a minute." Sans spoke lazily from the couch, moving his arm in some kind of 'attempt' to pick up the socks.

"NOT IN A MINUTE. THIS INSTANT. UNDYNE DOES NOT SEEM TO BE IN A VERY GOOD MOOD AND I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE IT WORSE!" Papyrus huffed.

It had barely been a few years since they had reached the surface. Monsters and humans had started off unhappily. Fights. Civil wars. A year ago everything had finally calmed down thanks to Frisk going around the world, playing ambassador. There were still the occasional bickering and scuffles, but all in all, everyone got along.

Sans snickered, rolling off the couch and onto the floor with a thud, lifting his arm, only to flop it down again. "Sorry bro. Too far. Can't do it." Came his words, muffled by the carpet.

"SANS!" Papyrus stomped into the living room, placing his hands on his hips, tapping his toe. "PICK UP YOUR SOCKS, LAZY BONES! I DO NOT WISH TO MAKE UNDYNE ANGRIER!"

"Sure thing, Pap." Sans snails across the floor, stopping just shy of the few socks on the floor. "Oh jeeze bro. I'm too tired. It _socks_ , but I'm sure she'll get over it."

A loud shriek and the door crashing open let them know Undyne had arrived, and she looked absolutely steamed.

"Papyrus are you ready for your lesson?!" Undyne yelled, slamming the door shut.

"Too late bro. She already seems like she's gonna be a pain in the bass." Sans snicker-mumbles from his place on the floor.

"Sans, I'm not in the mood for your shi- puns today." Undyne caught herself, wanting to be able to cuss, but not allowed to in Papyrus' presence.

"UNDYNE. SHALL WE BEGIN OUR LESSON? IT MAY TAKE YOUR MIND OFF OF WHATEVER IS MAKING YOU UPSET." Papyrus offered, walking towards the kitchen. He hated seeing Undyne this unhappy.

"Yeah, 'Dyne. Don't krill the mood." Sans rolls to a sitting position, looking up at her with a stupid grin.

Undyne had to resist every urge to kick the shorter skeleton. "Tch." She clicks her tongue, walking angrily into the kitchen. "Come on Papyrus."

Papyrus shakes his head, following Undyne. Whatever had her in a horrible mood, he would do everything in his power to help her feel better! You could expect nothing less from the Great Papyrus!

\--------------

Hours later, and a nearly burnt down kitchen, Papyrus says goodnight to them, walking to his bedroom. Sans had been lazing about on the couch, watching some new human comedy. He waited until he heard Papyrus' door shut before walking into the kitchen, hands shoved into his pockets.

"So. What's got your gills in a twist?"

Undyne digs through the cupboards, in search of something to ease her mind. "I don't wanna talk right now, Sans. Where's your booze? I know you've got some somewhere."

"Left cupboard, top shelf." Sans leans casually on the fridge. "That bad, huh? Haven't seen you this wound up since the human came through."

Finding the bottle of alcohol, Undyne grabs a shot glass and fills it to the brim, downing it before filling a second and downing that just as quickly.

“Woah slow down. You don’t wanna get sea sick.” He probably shouldn’t be making puns with her this worked up, but he couldn’t help it.

“Sans for the love of my sanity, shut up.” came her harsh response, filling a third shot.

Sans held his hands up in surrender, leaning on the counter. She really was in a foul mood today. He’d elected to stay silent until she calmed down a bit. Or so he thought. Instead she slides a shot to her side, pointing at the seat.

“Sit.”

Sans blinked. It’d been awhile since he’d drank, and even longer since he’d shared drinks with the fish monster. Last time resulted in a broken window and his slippers missing. He’d had to get a new pair. He wouldn’t admit it had been a lot of fun.

“Alright, alright. Ain’t gotta tell me twice.” He chuckles, sliding on the chair next to her. “So you wanna talk about it now?”

Undyne sighs, one finned hand wrapped around the bottle, her other halfway through her hair. She looked more disheveled now than she had a few moments ago. If Sans had to put it simply, she looked like shit.

“Things have been chaos lately, I’m stressed to hell, and training the new recruits isn’t going well. My usual stress relief isn’t working either.”

Sans listened, nodding occasionally as he downed his shot.

“And on top of it all,” she continued “I have no idea how to deal with things. Punching stuff doesn’t do much good either. “

Another heavy sigh as she takes the shot glass from Sans to fill it up again, taking it down before filling it again to pass to him. He waits a moment before speaking again.

“Seems you’ve got a pretty fin problem.”

“Sans I swear to Asgore-“

“Can I bass you a question?”

“Sans, I will punch you.”

“What? Got a bone to pick with me?”

“That does it-“

“What’re you gonna do, fin slap m-“

He’s suddenly cut off by the fish monster pulling him by his shirt collar into a kiss, knocking the full shot glass off the table and onto the floor. Though he doesn’t pay it much mind as he’s stunned into submission. Eventually Sans eyes flutter closed, getting into the sloppy drunken kiss.

After a moment, Undyne pulls back, letting him go and resting her elbows in the table, bright red and breathless. She hadn’t planned on doing that, and maybe it was the alcohol, but it was the only way she figured to shut Sans up.

“If uh…” Sans cleared his throat. “If that’s your way of relieving stress, you cod have just asked.”

A loud groan and Undyne lays her face on the table. “Sans seriously? Can you not tell a pun for longer than five seconds?”

“Nope. I don’t need much time to think of them. Though in all seriousness, I think you could use a particular kind of stress relief. After all, a stiff fish is no good.” He snickered and wiggled his skeletal brows.

Undyne was silent, putting two and two together. She couldn’t believe she was considering it. It had to be the alcohol, but maybe it would help.

“If we fucked, would you shut up?” Came her muffled response after a moment.

“Language~” Was Sans sing song reply. “And maybe.”

Undyne couldn’t believe she was likely going to fuck a skeleton. How did skeletons even have sex? Well probably the same as any monster. Magic. Why was she even thinking about this?? An exasperated sigh and she peeks at Sans from her arm.

“We speak of this to no one. Any peep out of you and I will run your bony ass through and mount you on my wall. Got it?”

Sans held his hands up in surrender for the second time that night. “You got it boss. Now you got a real bone to pick~”

“Fucking damnit Sans.”


End file.
